The Power of Bonus Families

Recently on Dr. Phil, a mom was on who was trying to help her 4 year old make friends with selected children at the play ground. She only wanted her daughter to be friends with pretty kids from good homes. The audience and Dr. Phil helped her see the error of her ways. Just because a kid is pretty, doesn't mean they are good and your kid should not judge others. By doing this, you are laying a pattern of prejudice for your child. Of course, I completely agree with Dr. Phil, however, it is easy to want to surround your child with other kids whose parents you respect and it is normal, even good parenting, to want to monitor those who have influence over your child. Obviously you should not try to coerce your child into only being friends with good looking children with money, but the segment made me think a lot.

Cody didn't have a great childhood. Cody's parents divorced when we was 10. His mom lost custody of him due to her drug and alcohol problems. His dad worked all the time to support Cody and his 2 little sisters so he was never home. This isn't the place to share all the details, so I'll just say that Cody lived a totally unsupervised life from a little kid on. He also didn't have any one at home to help him do the things that we all take for granted. He saw and did very adult things at a very young age. All of this is to say that Cody was probably not the kind of kid you want your child hanging with after school.

Cody's life was incredibly impacted by his best friend growing up. Tim would bring Cody home after school. Tim's parents, Frank and Oleta, are great people. They fell in love with little Cody and loved and treated him like one of their other sons (Tim had a brother 2 years older and one 2 years younger). They didn't have much money, but Oleta sat a place for Cody at every meal. She even provided his lunch every day in high school. He lived with them at two different points in his life. Frank works in the oil field and Oleta works in a grocery store so they didn't have extra money. Having 3 hungry and growing teenage boys of their own was expensive enough, but they took on Cody not only on a daily basis but also for Christmas, family vacations, and his birthday. They taught him how to treat people, how to work hard, and how a family works. Since his father wasn't around and he didn't ever see his mother, all punishment came from the Spanns too. When Cody and Tim would get in big trouble, Oleta would ground Cody from their house, which Cody said was the worst punishment that he could have ever imagined. They completely assimilated him into their life. I met the Spanns before I met Cody's biological family. We have spent many holidays with them, go by the house and eat dinner, and at our wedding, they were escorted in and the three boys were all groomsmen. He calls them Mom and Dad for a reason. Not only does he consider them family, but Oleta's 7 siblings and all of their families consider Cody family as well. This week, Oleta's father passed away. Cody was listed as one of the surviving grandchildren, was a pall bearer like the other grandsons, and we sat with the family. Today, when we were leaving the funeral home, Cody said that he was so thankful the Spanns gave him stability and he doesn't know what he would have become without them.

Last night at the funeral home, Oleta was playing with Carley and someone asked her if Carley was her granddaughter and Oleta replied, "She is my bonus granddaughter. God loved me so much, He gave me an extra".

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I just wanted to share this story with you out there in cyberspace. God used the Spanns to help save Cody. He used them to completely change his life. I pray that Cody and I are able to minister to Carley's friends and open our home and our hearts to them. I pray that Carley has amazing Christian friends like I do that encourage, sharpen, and support me, but I also hope that we are open to opportunities to minister to others and not caught up in stereotypes about what makes a great kid is not always high TAKS scores, a good family, and a life similar to yours.