Well, friends, it is August. For those in the Education business, that means, "back to work". There are so many things I could post about on this topic.....how I will miss Carley, why I am ready to go back, why I work, what my job does for our family, what my fears are about being a working mom, how blessed I feel by my situation, how sad I feel to miss moments with Carley, the benefits of adult time, and a thousand other thoughts.
Tuesday is my first day back at work. Cody is going to be home that day for a special day with just him and Carley. They are going to go to the park, read books, and stuff like that and then Wednesday she will start back at Granny's. Granny and Papa are a retired couple that keep 4-6 teachers kids. They are such a blessing. Carley has missed them and her friends from Granny's over the summer. We have gone by every three weeks or so just to say HI. They are the nicest couple and they love the kids so much. Their house has a million toys and they are always doing fun things with the kids. I heard Carley talking on her play phone to Granny today and I teared up. I am SO thankful that Carley loves Granny and that she is blessed to have an extra grandmother in Granny. I also tear up because I know that Granny has a special place in her heart because of the time they spend together, which is time away from me. Carley has learned so much from the 3 and 4 year olds at Granny's. They have taught her to play run games like red light/green light, hide and seek, and she loves to watch them color. They kick the ball with her and stuff like that, which is sweet. I am so glad she has her friends there. She gets so bored here with just me sometimes and I am so glad she has new toys to look at every day there.
Being a mom is tough. It is a HUGE BLESSING, but it is tough. I think it is tough to stay home and miss out on adult conversation. I think that it is tough to stay home and actually stay home and not run errands all day or spend money at Target, like I do in the Summer. It is tough to provide for your family, especially retirement, savings, and stuff like that. Stay at Home moms sacrifice a lot to be with their sweet children and I know that it is very worth it. I also think it is hard to work outside of the home. I think it is hard to get up and out the door with lunches packed, bows on, and sanity at 7:10 in the morning. I think it is hard to give your all to other people and other situations all day and then come home and try to give your all to your kids, husband, and home. I think it is hard to miss out on moments and not feel guilty. I just think being a mom is tough. Of course, all of us would agree we wouldn't change it for the world.
The other day I was somewhere and a mom said, "I am not the kind of mom who could be away from her kids all day". I knew what she meant and that it had absolutely no condemnation or judgment on the moms that choose to be away from their kids all day. The comment has stuck with me though. I don't think that it is always that simple. I think that moms choose to work outside of the home for the same reasons some moms choose not to work outside of the home. I think that we all do it because we feel like it is what is best for our families. If I choose to completely stay home, Cody would have to work 48 hour shifts for us to keep up our bills. For us, Carley only seeing her Daddy two days a week. for a couple of hours, is not a better situation. This way she gets to see both of us every day. Not all husbands have nontraditional schedules like mine. That excuse isn't the same for everyone. Also, Cody and I get to have a lunch date every week. It is a special time for us and our marriage and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Also, my work and Granny's are 5 minutes apart. For some moms, if they worked outside of the home, they would spend their whole day in traffic going to and from work and daycare and home. I am starting to ramble, so I will cut it off, and just say this:
Summer is ending and I will miss my undivided Carley time. I loved the pool, Jump N Jungle, the park, Sea World, running errands, and cuddle time. I will miss our midmorning tea parties. Being away from her breaks my heart into a million pieces whenever I think about it. Being a Christian example to her is my most important job as well as providing her with love and security. I pray that I am not "screwing her up" by my choice to have a career outside of the home.
I will miss cooking so much for Cody and doing more stuff around the house. I had fun cooking big meals and taking care of all of the errands so that when he was home, all he had to do was play with me and Carley. I am looking forward to our weekly lunch dates at exotic restaurants like Taco Bell and Subway. I pray that I always save my energy for home and our marriage and I don't spend it on other people. I pray that he knows that he is my most important relationship on earth and I treasure him more than my career.
I am looking forward to going back to work. I love my job. I love problem solving and decision making. I love having an office and a desk and no pacis in my pockets. I love talking about adult things and not getting interrupted. My financial psychotic side loves know that we have savings, retirement, and some money towards college. I love having money for Sonic drinks. And honestly on days, where Carley has diarrhea, like today, I don't miss the smell. I also love being around nonChristians. I know that sounds weird, but I like inviting people to church, praying with people who are having a hard day, and telling people about Jesus. I am not saying at all that you can't do that at the grocery store, or the park, or wherever you are, I am just saying that school is the perfect place for sharing your faith. I love the people I work with and my job.
I know this is the longest post ever and I am super sorry about that. It is just some late night ramblings from a torn heart. I love being a mom and I love all of you out there. I know that many of you struggle with all of these same feelings and emotions. I am truly thankful for you, my blog friends, who support me in many ways. I am thankful for the ways that you choose to honor God's calling to love your families and the many different ways you do it. I am thankful that we have a relationship without judgment or condemnation, but instead of support and admiration.
Get your pencils sharpened, your folders labeled, and your new brown leather shoes. School is back in session.
17 comments:
Thanks for sharing all your thoughts on working vs. staying home. This is something we're trying to figure out right now. I struggle with the thought of having to work full time after the baby is born, so your thoughts were reassuring to me that I'll still be a good mom if that is what it best for us. Don't feel bad about rambling, see it already was worth it.
Hmmm, I'm trying not to cry at the thought of the play time being over soon as well. It's helpful to know that there are wonderful people keeping our little girls while we can't be with them.
She's blessed to have such a deep thinker for a mom.
AMEN! Excellent post! We'll miss Ash & Carley time!
Love the post. It is so hard to find the right balance for each family, b/c they right choice is different for each family! We are still trying to figure everything out! You have such an ideal situation and there are times that I wish I had it! :)
Being a mom is tough! I constantly reevaluate our situation. No matter the path one chooses, or is forced to take, there are benefits and drawbacks. Thanks for posting this. It is a topic that is never far from my thoughts.
you are a wonderful momma, wife, and daughter of God! thinking about you as you transition!
We all have to make the decisions we feel are the best for our family. I have no doubt that you & Cody are wonderful parents. Just wait 'til Carley starts school.....making the best decision for her will come into play big time! Some do public, some do private, some homeschool. All have their reasons for their choices and we just have to do what we feel is best for our families & individual children.
I love your ideas of sharing Jesus at school (work)!
Hang in there!
I think the working mom vs stay at home mom debate will go on forever. I definitely agree that everyone makes decisions based on their situations. Working at home blesses my family just like working out of the home blesses yours. Great post and great thoughts.
Good luck on the beginning of school transition...I'll be thinking of you.
Ash,
I will probably be the only guy to post a comment on this one. But, I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you and Cody for making the decisions that are best for your family. I think too often people try to oversimplify how we should order various aspects of our lives - and you hit the nail on the head in your blog post with the message that each person and each family has to make the decision that is best for them and their family. And, as with everything in life there are positives and negatives to every decision, whether it's for a mother to stay home or whether it's for a mother to work outside the home. There is no perfect option! And, I think God is using you in ways to touch peoples lives that He could only accomplish with you being at your job in school.
Alyssa and I love you and are proud of you for being the person you are.
Love,
Clint
Sweet Ashley-
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this controversial subject. Carley is blessed to have such a special mommy! Blessings on you as you begin a new school year. I have no doubt that God will use you to touch the lives of those you are with each day. This was a very sweet post. Thanks for being so open about it.
Hello. I just wanted to let you know I found your blog! We are blessed to have people like you who go to work, and teach our children. Kristin
Wow, what a great post you just made.
I am having a hard time even "thinking" about going back. I know that I will be O.K. once I get going. Someone made a comment to me the other day that has also stuck with me. She was a teacher and has since stayed home and said that I must love it more than she did to go back. Ouch, I don't know why I can't get it out of my head. I do love my job and I also love the little person that has come into my life the last 3 1/2 months. I feel like someone has to go and love on and teach everyone else's babies.
Someday she will put her child in a classroom and hope that his teacher loves it! Sorry that I am going on but you just hit on a couple or all of the things that have been going on in my head.
GREAT post!
Hey Ashley!
Thanks for finding my blog. You'll have to teach me how to locate other people in the sea of blogs!!
I completely agree with your post and I truly believe the most important part of this is to have open communication and support for each mother. Especially in the our churches!! I head back to work on Aug 13.....
I love your thoughts, your honesty, you, and your family. I couldn't agree more with your views on motherhood. I'm not a mother yet, but I completely sympathize with every mother out there who is trying to make decisions that will be a blessing to her family. You are an incredible woman and I pray that you are blessed in your faithfulness towards being a mother ... even when the job hurts and is hard. Good luck this new school year!
I agree with everyone else that it's an individual decision. I think it's important that we stop judging other moms and ourselves. Having said that...I feel your pain everyday - nurses never get a summer break. For me it's a conflicted yet confident decision to work. I feel called to my career as a nurse. And I feel called to be a mother. Motherhood has changed me immensely - I hope for the better. And I agree with every pro and every con you listed about either choice. I am CONFIDENT that our children will not be "messed up" - they have bigger plans, plans of prosperity, hope, and a future. We must simply answer the call to LOVE them. To serve them, teach them, model love for them. Just earlier tonight Ethan was singing "God's been good to me, oh God's always been good." They will know the truth - keep your chin up. You are a great person & a great mom!
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